We're Losing Our Battle

To begin, it's been - quite frankly a rough four days.  My other cat suddenly became ill and has been hospitalized for 3 days.  The vets couldn't figure out what the issue was and hoped it was bacterial.  I did the 'self diagnosis' thing, became obsessed that it was FIP and gave myself an unnecessary near nervous breakdown.  I received good news however this evening that the fever he had is slowly lifting which means he's finally responding to the latest antibiotic that he's on.  If this is indeed the case and he doesn't have cancer or goodness knows what else, then I have to unfortunately conclude that the raw food is the culprit as the timing is bang on.  The vet did point out that if raw food was so wise, humans would be eating it without 'rules' about that in place.  He raises a valid point.  The vet was a proponent of high quality foods without preservatives but not raw.  He mentioned that a client of his insisted on feeding his two dogs raw food, which, after they (the vet clinic) saved the dog from a bacterial infection, shortly after died, when the owner insisted on continuing to feed it to him.  I don't know the circumstances, and I've heard valid arguments from both sides; however, after my personal experience, if I get to take my sweet Gabriel home again, he's not touching raw food.

Unfortunately although there may be a silver lining in the horizon for Gabriel's outcome, there isn't one for Weasel.  I've had to give him a full capsule of the Yunnan Baiyao every day just to get him to eat.  Although he's active and zips in and out all day, he's unhappy.  I can see the depression taking over.  I feel terrible for putting the vitamin C mix on his paws as it just adds to the depression.  Each time I administer the Yunnan capsules, he looks absolutely miserable.  This isn't much of a life for him.  I have to wonder if we're doing this for us or for him...tonight I sat beside him as he tried to vomit, with only a small white foam pile coming out. It sounded as though he couldn't catch his breath.

I've done everything by the book..good food, herbal supplements, Essiac Tea, but it feels like it's doing absolutely nothing.  In the past 4 days I've seen a significant decline which astounds me as the ultrasound confirmed that the tumor was only on the pancreas and hadn't spread.  I thought with news like that we would have a year with him, not a month.

This begs the question, how do you know when to put your pet out of their misery? Or, do you keep them alive as long as possible and let them fight for that chance?  Who are we to play God to their lives? Or is it truly a considerate decision to make to remove them from their pain before it's too much.  I'm very confused and stressed out about this entire situation.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask about steroids and pain killers.  If he's still eating and running around, I'm hoping that will remove the discomfort and allow him quality of life.

I was really hoping that this blog would evolve to reveal wonderful and inspiring news for others.  Perhaps my situation is unique though and someone else will have a success story to share.

It's not over yet though.  I haven't given up, and I'll continue to write about the small milestones and positive turns we make.  I spoke to a vet technician today who told me that when he was 16 his mother was told she had only a few months to live.  He informed me that she was told this several times since then and 16 years later, she's still alive.  Sometimes people or animals can defy the odds.